Feminine vs. masculine – insights that changed my life

The insights that I’m going to share with you in this blog post are among the most profound and impactful things I have learned throughout my entire personal development and spirituality journey over the past 9 or so years.

Things that – if you asked me – should be taught in school, but of course, aren’t. Rather, they stuff kids’ heads with useless stuff like chemistry or complex mathematics *facepalm* (but that’s a post for another time).

The way I see it, the basic understanding of feminine and masculine energies impacts us women in pretty much every area of our lives (of course, men too, but this blog is for women, which is why I will focus on this topic from a woman’s perspective ;))

The girl in pink was not so girly after all

Throughout my teenage years and up until my mid-thirties, I used to be quite a girly girl. 

Or at least so I thought. 

After all, my favorite colour was pink, I had long blonde hair extensions for years, I loved wearing high heels, skirts and make-up.

At the time, that was my understanding of being a ‘feminine woman’. Solely based on looks and the way someone was dressed.

The A-HA moment that changed everything

Until one day, a girlfriend of mine I hadn’t seen for years, who, intuitively, told me, as we caught up after a long time, and were discussing my dating life:

“Your energy is quite masculine.”

I was baffled. Wait, what? Me? With my pink dresses and long blonde hair? I am all… but?!

But then, when she started to explain what she meant by it, a lightbulb went on.

It made so. much. fricken. sense. And it became one of the biggest A-HA moments of my life.

Suddenly, I could so clearly see why my dating life was a complete disaster, and how I was operating from a masculine energy in most areas of my life.

Since that day, I began to learn more about feminine and masculine energies, and as time passed, I realised that the ‘masculine’ way of being felt less and less aligned.

I started applying my newfound knowledge to all areas of my life, and so much changed – for the better.

So what exactly am I talking about?

The difference between masculine and feminine energies

The first thing to understand about the feminine and the masculine is that they are ENERGIES. They don’t have anything to do with someone’s biological sex. Regardless of whether you were born as a man or as a woman, you have both energies within you. We all do. What matters is how these energies interact and are expressed.

So let’s take a closer look at both.

Masculine Energy (the DOING energy)

• Logical – moves from the head, thinks in straight lines, seeks solutions
  
• Decisive – makes clear decisions, sets goals, establishes boundaries
  
• Structured – creates frameworks, order, and stability
  
• Purpose-driven – focuses on achieving outcomes and reaching goals
  
• Focused – moves with single-pointed attention, avoids distractions
  
• Giving – active, forward-moving, provides, gives structure, protection, and direction
  
• Protective – safeguards what matters
  
• Holding space – not always active doing – also capable of still, grounded presence, holds space for the feminine to flourish

Keywords: structure, focus, outcomes, protection, leadership, logic, clarity, decision

Feminine Energy (the BEING energy)

• Receptive – open to receive ideas, inspiration, support, pleasure, and abundance
  
• Flowing – non-linear, moves in cycles, follows intuition and emotion
  
• Nurturing – cares for, nourishes, creates safe, beautiful spaces
  
• Creative – gives birth to ideas, art, connection, love, and life itself
  
• Magnetic –  attracts through essence, beauty, and presence, not force
  
• Emotion-led – moves from how something feels rather than what makes logical sense
  
• Intuitive – deeply connected to inner wisdom, body signals, and unspoken truths
  
• Expressive – loves to experience and express emotion, beauty, sensuality
  
• Surrendering –  trusts in the unfolding, lets go of rigid control

Keywords: softness, trust, magnetism, intuition, connection, creativity, nurture, sensuality, receptivity

As you can see, feminine and masculine energies are like the yin and the yang. They are opposites that complement each other, and together, form a harmonious whole.

Another simple analogy to understand the dynamic between the two energies is to think about a river that flows freely and wildly, but is supported by the riverbanks that keep the river in place and stop it from completely overflowing and flooding the surrounding area. The river is the feminine energy, and the riverbank that provides structure and support so the river can flow freely and effortlessly is the masculine energy.

So why does this matter, how does this apply to your own life?

The life-changing realisations

Now, before we move any further, I want you to pause for a moment and reflect. When you think about your own day-to-day and how you move through life, which energies do you find yourself most in?

When I look at highly-educated, career-driven women around me… I can see so clearly how most of them – most of the time – are operating from a masculine energy as their dominant energy.

And I know this… because it used to be me.

I used to be the ultimate make-things-happen kind of woman. I took pride in my ambition, my go-getter mentality, my ability to achieve goals and go after the things I wanted in life.

I used to take pride in how productive I was, how much I was able to DO and to achieve, wearing it like a badge of honour.

I didn’t need anyone’s help, I was independent and determined and could fix anything on my own. 

Now, you might say: ‘But why is that bad? Hasn’t that allowed you to create a life of your dreams?’

Yes and no.

The thing is – yes, we are HIGHLY CAPABLE as weomen. Especially if you are a high-achiever like I used to be. We can simply make anything ‘happen’. 

But the question is – at what cost?

We need the masculine – but not as a permanent mode

I want to stop here for a moment and point out that it’s important to understand that masculine energy is not ‘bad’. Not at all.

In fact, as women, we need it, too. We need to have a certain amount of structure in our lives, so that we get things done, climb that corporate ladder (if that’s truly what you want to do), or start and run that business, etc etc.

The goal is never to be solely in our feminine energy all the time – because let’s face it, modern life allows very few of us to sit in a bubble bath and eat grapes all day, every day, LOL (although I do love the sound of that!).

But where it goes wrong for most ambitious, driven women, is when the masculine energy becomes our DEFAULT MODE of operation in all areas of our lives.

ESPECIALLY in our romantic, intimate relationships (which I’ll dive into in future posts).

Because, as women, being so fixated on all the DOING, pushing, controlling and leading, while operating purely from the mind, is not our NATURAL STATE OF BEING. 

The disconnect from our feminine essence is costing us our happiness and joy

It’s the reason why so many women are exhausted, overextended, live a joyless life of obligations and commitments, or try to achieve more and chase the perceived ‘success’ (by society’s standards) to prove to themselves (and others) that they are worthy and deserving… 

…when in fact, the true key to happiness lies in deeply connecting with your FEMININE ESSENCE within, and allowing it to show and express more as you move through life.

By DOING LESS, and BEING MORE.

That’s right.

Contrary to what has been coded into you by society, you don’t actually have do all the things and achieve all the things to make yourself deserving of love, appreciation, joy and pleasure.

You are worthy… because you were born worthy. Just as you are. Because you are a beautiful, feminine being… who might have just forgotten your innate magic.

That being said, I’m also aware that while it sounds simple… it feels so counterintuitive to so many modern women.

And if you are a highly ambitious, career-driven woman reading this, you might even be rolling your eyes at this, thinking it sounds too woo, too ‘unrealistic’… or like 1940s housewife vibes.

I get it. I used to equate feminine traits with ‘weakness’ or outdated values, too.

I felt that I had to control things and outcomes, because I could only rely on myself, and if I didn’t make things ‘happen’, literally nothing would happen.

But true feminine is wiser. She knows that it’s not ‘all on her’.

She intuitively knows there is a bigger power supporting her, and she allows herself to breathe and step back, letting things unfold organically. Because she trusts, and she knows life can surprise her in the wildest, most unexpected ways when she lets go of the need to micro-manage everything.

Stop listening to the mind, and start trusting the body

Because what I have learned is this.

The mind doesn’t hold the answers – the body does.

The mind is programmed to keep us safe, and is deeply conditioned by the narratives fed to us by society and through our upbringing.

Logic, as I pointed out above, belongs to the masculine. Solely relying on your mind, will not bring you the happiness and bliss that is available to you. 

Because as a woman, it’s your body and your intuition that know what’s actually true and alive for you.

So I would invite you to start paying more attention to your body and to the whispers of your soul. When you truly get still and ask yourself – does this constant doing, chasing, achieving, pushing, ticking off every imaginary check box… feel good?

Or… would you actually like to lean back more, receive more, play more, let your creativity flow, bring more fun and pleasure into your life, be more present, simply savour life more?

As I changed, life around me started changing too

I know for me, admitting the latter, was a total game-changer.

As I loosened my grip on life and stopped trying to force things into existence, my life went from constant go-go-go and being on my toes… to a deep exhale.

And yes, sometimes it gets all raw and messy (like reeeeeal messy), but that is the beauty of the feminine. 

Of not being perfect… but rather, being real, authentic and ALIVE.

You can be ambitious and feminine at the same time

And to be clear – I’m by no means suggesting that you should drop all your ambition. In fact, I’m a huge advocate for women to UP their ambition 😉 (Not in a climb-the-corporate-ladder kind of ambition though, unless that truly lights you up… but more like everything-and-anything-is-possible kind of ambition).

What I am suggesting is that there is a different way available to you, beautiful woman, to live and go about your dreams and desires.

I used to think the feminine was passive, when in fact, it’s the most divine, soul-aligned way of being and living as a woman. 

It’s just that society (both patriarchy and feminism) have sold us narratives that have kept us disconnected from our true essence for so long.

The feminine is never passive, it’s always co-creating with a higher power – but not by gripping, resisting, or orchestrating every single detail – but through allowing herself to be supported, and letting life move through her, knowing she is divinely guided and supported every step of the way.

A different path is available to you, too

You might be thinking – ‘Okay, yes, this resonates, but I don’t even know how to get started, or how do I reprogram the ‘modus operandi’ with everything going on in my life – demanding career, marriage, kids, the house, pets, friendships, hobbies and the rest…?!’

In that case, don’t worry, this is what I am here for (I will be writing more posts on the topic, and if you’d like 1:1 guidance, check out my VIP Day offering).

And yes, while it might take some time to make a big energetic shift like this, it all starts with awareness and a desire for change.

And baby steps. Like:

• Prioritising rest and pleasure without guilt (no, you do not need to ‘earn’ your rest or play, you deserve it just because you are a divine, magical creature)
  
• Saying ‘no’ to things that feel draining
  
• Gracefully accepting compliments as well as offers of help from others (and ditching the can-do-it-all mentality)
  
• Creating beauty in your environment
  
• Slowing down and being present, using all your senses to savour the moment
  
• Getting still and listening to the nudges of your soul

The thing is – we all actually (at least in the Western world) have a choice in how we live our lives. It just takes commitment and willingness to start walking a new path if your current reality no longer feels aligned.

And if that’s you, you’ve come to the right place. 

It’s my absolute pleasure to walk this path alongside you, sharing what I have learned for myself, in hopes that it can become a guiding light for you on your own journey.